Title: La Noche de Walpurgis / Walpurgis Night / The Werewolf vs The Vampire Woman (US title) / Shadow of the Werewolf (UK title) / Werewolf Shadow (Canada title) (1971-1972, depending on where you lived)

Summary: Lycanthrope Waldemar Daninsky is resurrected and returns to his castle, where two clueless young women search out the grave site of the medieval murderess Countess Wandessa Darvula de Nadasdy. Chaos ensues.

Tagline: The Blood Flows Like Vintage Wine 

Note: Depending on whom you ask this is either the 4th or 5th entry into Paul Naschy‘s Hombre Lobo series. It was also the most financially successful film he ever made and is generally regarded as the kick-starter of Spanish horror films that made bank in the 1970s. It also basically ignores the events of Fury of the Wolfman… and is considered more of a sequel to The Mark of the Wolfman, aka the first film in the “series”.

Initial Thoughts

Hoo boy! Coming off the general “what the fuck did we just watch? It was AWESOME!” recap of La Furia del Hombre Lobo brought to us by Wing as her recap for 2022’s Snark at the Moon! series, we’re following up with the sequel, 1972’s La Noche de Walpurgis!

This film, under a different title, aka the American title, is what triggered my interest in this series. VAMPIRES VS WEREWOLVES? Sign me up! I mean, I’ve always been pretty clear I’m Team Vampire where as Wing is very clearly Team Werewolf. So this is a perfect film for the Snark at the Moon! series, combining our monster true loves.

Hey, Wing! Did you know this is our 5th year of doing Snark at the Moon! recaps? Five whole years of monstrous werewolf content for the autumnal Full Moons. Congrats on making it this far with me, Wing! Here’s to another five years!

[Wing: WHAT?! No, I didn’t realize that! Fuck, we’re amazing. You’ve had a lot of good ideas [bat: …annnnnnnd some really terrible ones…], but Snark at the Moon! is one of my favorites. Here’s to another five years indeed!

I watched a subtitled version of this after the conversation last time about how some of the strangeness might have been from the dubbing. (I understand some Spanish, but they go real damn quick.)]

It’s so much more fun going into this series cold, so I’m going to skip talking about it and just dive right on in… How fitting that this is going live on the Blood Beaver Moon!

You can watch the trailer, though, to get a taste of things!

Recap

We cold open on a gate with a sign that reads Friedhof, a gate to what I’m guessing is another castle. There’s just lots of castles around Spain, apparently. A fancy car drives up and stops, a man getting out and throwing his scarf around his dramatic in dramatic fashion. I guess it’s cold?

[Wing: For the DRAMA.]

He walks quickly to the gate and pulls the string, ringing the bell, while the driver takes his sweet time exiting the vehicle. Scarf man complains to hat-wearing driver man that the inspector could have waited for this, it’s at night and a full moon to boot, this is a bad idea. Hat man says they need the autopsy report ASAP, quit complaining.

Oo, sassy!

Scarf man relays he saw the victims, it was horrible. He even got sick! Hat man says people in the area insist it was a werewolf, and it was the man whose body is awaiting the postmortem exam. He goes on to add that ignorance and superstition won’t disappear easily from this part of the world.

[Wing: Ignorance doesn’t disappear from any part of the world, alas. I just wish we had more werewolves (and, okay, vampires for bat) to go with it.]

I don’t understand the random animal screams but whatever. Here comes someone with a lantern, walking up the crunchy gravel towards the gate.

Weird. We just went from bright clear day – this happened in the prior film, with the “moon” being very obviously the sun – and now it’s dark AF and the camera is wildly zooming in and around a brick facade of a castle. Oh, I guess the groundskeeper or whomever had the lantern has brought Hat and Scarf to the front door.

I swear to god, the continuation of NON-EXISTENT TRANSITIONS CONTINUES. [Wing: How much do I simultaneously loathe and love the non-existent transitions? I think the last movie broke me.] [bat: We will never be the same about transitions, existing and non.]

Yeah, there’s still a cacophony of “wild animal noises” playing. I guess it’s supposed to be the wilds of Spain? I mean, we’re in the woods, theoretically?

[Wing: These auto-translate subtitles tag [music] with every animal noise. I suppose they are the children of the night, what music they make.]

Now inside the building or castle or whatever, the two men walk right in and pull back the sheet covering Waldemar Daninsky’s body. He’s not bloody or anything. Huh.

Scarf identifies him and says a reign of terror commenced upon his arrival in the area. O…kay. DOES NOBODY REMEMBER THE PSEUDO SCIENCE KINKY SEX CULT?? [Wing: I sure as hell remember the pseudo science kinky sex cult.] [bat: I think that is one of your top 3 favorite things of 2022, Wing.] [Wing: Honestly, it might be my top thing of 2022.] He helps Hat into a surgical gown, while Hat complains about werewolf nonsense. Boourns! We love werewolves! He can’t believe that a man has been shot up to the moon but people still believe in werewolves.

Why can’t both things be true, you jerk?

[Wing: If anything, a man being shot up to the moon makes werewolves more likely. They’re tied to the moon! What of the astronauts brought back moon werewolfism? What then, Hat? What then?]

Scarf reminds Hat that there’s “mysterious things” on Earth that haven’t been explained by science. Okay I like Scarf. He points out the limits of science against the supernatural. There’s even finger wagging at Hat!

Hat says he doesn’t believe in superstitions. Scarf puts on a pair of glasses and examines the pentagon-shaped “bite” of the Yeti (…I wonder if that part of the prior film carried over?) that now has two bullet wounds in it. Scarf literally yells that the scar is pentagonal! Apparently this is BAD NEWS.

“It’s the mark of the werewolf!”

Dr. Hartwig, aka Hat, whom I’m still going to call Hat because it’s more fun, seemingly ignores Scarf and announces he’s going to make an incision in Waldemar’s chest. I guess we’re talking the Y incision? This is an autopsy, right? Apparently Hat is the coroner?

Scarf stops him, asking if he shouldn’t start in the stomach? (????) Hat states that according to the old legends – that you don’t believe in, right? – if he removes the bullet, Waldemar should come back to life. Buh??? I HAVE QUESTIONS.

Okay, Hat is going to tempt fate and prove werewolves aren’t real by removing the bullets. Waldemar is totally going to remain dead and everyone in the village can quit their werewolf nonsense. LET’S SEE HOW THIS GOES!

[Wing: I’M SO EXCITED.]

There’s some squelching noises and movement off-screen and then one bullet is out. Scarf is literally touching the evidence with his pinkie. Dude. Stop. [Wing: Bloody silver bullet. Imma poke it.] Bullet two is soon removed. Start the countdown clock!

Suspenseful music plays as Hat insists that see, Waldemar is totally dead, not a werewolf. He even laughs. Did he not learn anything from the Weasels about laughing himself to death??

The camera zooms in on the full moon as the suspenseful music gets real loud and pointed.

Well there’s nothing like stopping for a cigarette break DURING AN AUTOPSY. [Wing: When you gotta go, you gotta go. And by go, I mean smoke.] Hat asks Scarf for a light, and both men are utterly distracted by the missing lighter as Waldemar comes to. HE’S ALIVE! AGAIN!

Just as Hat takes his first puff, Waldemar’s hand grabs his shoulder. Both Hat and Scarf freeze in horror. Scarf backs away as Hat turns to find Waldemar in full blown werewolf mode – this is a great closeup of the makeup, which is more based on the condition of hypertrichosis then wolves – and moving towards them. [Wing: It may just be the print I watched is cleaner, but I thought the werewolf makeup was better here than in Furia.] Hat and Scarf start babbling in horror as Waldemar makes… gurgling growls? Kind of random. Hat is beyond horrified that he totally raised a werewolf from the dead in his attempt to prove superstitions false. PLAY STUPID GAMES WIN TERRIFYING PRIZES, HAT.

Waldemar lunges at Hat and apparently bites him – LIKE A VAMPIRE, WTF, I HOPE THIS IS EXPLAINED?? [Wing: I’m not sure it will be. He had similar attack modes in Furia.] – and Hat falls down, bleeding excessively from a throat wound. Wow, this one might actually be gory or at least more bloody then the prior film.

Scarf isn’t much better at fighting Waldemar off, but takes a slash to the face, falling to the ground as a wild-eyed Waldemar flees. Scarf rolls over to reveal his wounds. Oh yeah, this is way better makeup. Poor Scarf, that’s gonna scar, if he lives.

Though, I guess it’s implied that both Hat and Scarf are dead. RIP.

[Wing: By the dramatic way they stare blankly through wide-open eyes, I think that is the implication, yes.]

We’re outside, running through “the dark” among trees. Yay. Trees. [Wing: Too. Much. Shaky. Cam.] Apparently Waldemar can yowl like a jaguar? WTF? I can see this in editing: “Yeah just buy a bunch of stock animal noises and we’ll use whatever sounds cool for the werewolf!”

Well it’s so dark that we can only see the whites of Waldemar’s eyes and teeth. Er, fangs? He might as well be Bigfoot (or the Yeti?) crashing around in the woods. Waldemar stops and emotes for the camera, but really he’s run onto a young woman walking through the trees. She sees Waldemar and screams, turning to run away.

He gives chase, of course, and wildly tangles with her, pretty much ripping her clothing off, wtf. There’s a lot of shaky camera footage (sorry, Wing) before he lays her on the ground, a huge gash torn in the side of her throat/neck. Dude. Are you a werewolf or a vampire!? MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

[Wing: There were real this is going to be a monsterfucking rape scene vibes to this.]

Although I guess if you’re a werewolf created by a Yeti, you’d be confused about how you’re supposed to bite victims.

So that’s a body count of 3 before the title card even rolls. Nice. We’re off to a rousing start right out of the gate with this film!

Another shot of the full moon, this time it’s cast in red. Oo, is it a blood moon? Credits roll as we view a stone tomb lid slid open, a pale woman rising from her grave dressed in black with a black veil over her hair. OKAY THIS IS GOALS.

She runs around the rocky ground in slow motion, the gauzy material of her burial gown flowing behind her, before jumping down into another chamber. Suddenly she encounters Waldemar in werewolf form. WTF? Is this like a weird preview? Or what? I’M CONFUSED.

Was that a flash forward? Because the image just froze on Waldemar before it faded back into him standing in the woods where he just killed random girl hiker. Now he’s fleeing. I’m so confused. Make sense, film!

Uhhhhh now we’re viewing famous European landmarks? The Arc de Triomphe? The Eiffel Tower? The Cathedral of Notre Dame? I guess it’s more accurate to say French landmarks. Swing-y jazz music plays and oh, someone is looking at a carousel rack of postcards! Fun.

We’re in some sort of nightclub that sells postcards of said landmarks. A man selects one then walks off with his date, as the camera moves over to a couple sitting on a low cushioned bench above the dance floor, which is full of dancers. The man asks the red-haired woman if she’s finished her essay. She remarks she’s still working on it, that it’s not easy. The man says he remembers it being about black magic? Witchcraft? Professed worship of Satin Satan?

Oh boy. New crush for Wing alert!

[Wing: …bat is not wrong.] [bat: I’m really good at finding crushes for Wing.]

Red-head doesn’t take the bait, she just says he’s “close” and that they’ve come upon a real fascinating character as of late, Countess Wandesa Dárvula de Nadasdy. She was a Hungarian countess who lived in the 11th century. Red-head gets a real dreamy look in her eye when speaking of the legend of the countess, which was “rather horrible”. [Wing: Pretty sure Red-head and I are both besotted with the monster woman.] The camera zooms in on her eyes and a weird kaleidoscope pattern is superimposed on the red-head’s face. OH NOW THAT’S HOW YOU MAKE A TRANSITION! Finally, they have learned something, Wing!

We see a woman in the past, wearing historical robes and something that very well could be a hairstyle from the 70s, honestly, with the kaleidoscope pattern still superimposed over the image. Could this be the red-head remembering a past life? Or just remembering Countess Nadasdy? Red-head mentions Nadasdy practiced all known forms of black magic and worshiped Satan. The (Spanish?) Inquisition tried to condemn her but everyone who came in contact with her were “eventually” murdered.

OKAY I GOT QUALMS WITH THIS SCENE. Like big qualms. The imagery of Lucifer in the painting used in the flashback scene is a more modern Satan “worship”. Like 19th/20th century deal. So, no. This feels like they’re throwing in LaVey Satanism in for “shock value”, maybe some Crowley. I feel like 11th century devil worship would have been a lot more actually terrifying then this.

Nadasdy preserved her beauty through a “ritual” handed down through all the mistresses of black magic: drinking blood from young virgins. What the fuck, that isn’t a special anything ritual. I guess it would have been cost prohibitive to pull a Countess Elizabeth Báthory and have Nadasdy bathe in virgins’ blood or something? (I mean, I know, Nadasdy is a total rip-off of Báthory.) Or really, you can’t see what the fuck Nadasdy is drinking from that horn. Might as well be beer. Oh, my bad, some dribbles out of the corner of her mouth and runs down her chin. [Wing: For a series that has several softcore porn scenes, you’d think they’d be all over the bloody bathing.]

Anyway. Red-head continues saying that after draining the young bodies of their blood, they were beheaded. We get an actual woman screaming silently as she is beheaded by an executioner, I guess that’s her “head” that blocks the camera’s view with her hair. For some reason we’re shown painted images in a medieval style and there’s some Catholic popes or bishops and then the red-head says legend says Nadasdy was a vampire (DRINK!) and when her lover discovered this she (HEY DID I MISHEAR THAT? I’m pretty sure I didn’t!) [Wing: Pretty sure that’s what I heard, too.] killed her in the “only way possible” which was stabbing her with a silver cross from some kind of named chalice. Damn it, I hate when I don’t have captions.

We get an actual image to go along with that. Nadasdy dead, laying across her sacrificial altar, a lighted candle across her neck (??) and a huge silver cross stabbed in her chest. Don’t need to hit the energy center on her, the heart will do just fine!

Moving on from the history lesson, we are shown night clubbers slow dancing to some really plunky piano music. Red-head and her date are among them. She suddenly stops dancing and leads him back towards their seats. He asks where Nadasdy was buried; she replies in a hidden place. Seems like a real awkward way to finish a conversation. Like, was she telling him all this on the dance floor? While dancing? Weird.

[Wing: When you have a hot vampire lady fetish, you talk about it wherever you can.]

Red-head says she and Genevieve have found a document describing the location of the tomb. So, it’s NOT so secret, is it? Oh, red-head is named… you’re gonna love this… Elvira! Anyway, how convenient of the plot to give them a map directly to the “hidden” tomb of Nadasdy! They’re headed their tomorrow by car to some “godforsaken little village”. Elvira is VERY EXCITED! Aren’t we all?

Her date says her enthusiasm is contagious and he wishes he could go, too, but he’s off to Istanbul (not Constantinople!). Elvira warns him to be careful and not take risks. Date counters he’s seen all the James Bond films and knows all the tricks. Uh. Sorry, dude, this is a women-only road trip. You aren’t wanted anyway.

SMASH CUT to… uh, I think it’s a castle? Or the ruins of one? Or something? It’s daylight, and we finally see a car driving along a poorly maintained road. It’s Elvira and Genevieve, and they’re lost! That’s what you get for following ancient maps and not using Google. Elvia lights a cigarette as Genevieve remains optimistic, saying it’s a great way to see the country!

Elvia believes they should have reached the village by now (if the map is so old, what would the odds be that the village is gone? 50/50?) She’s also worried because it will be dark “soon” and they need a place to stay. Genevieve points out they also need gas. Well this has all the makings of a SOON TO BE HORROR scene doesn’t it.

Genevieve jokes that perhaps Count Dracula will appear and invite them to spend the night as his castle. (DRINK!) Elvia is NOT AMUSED. Genevieve starts the car and they drive off, with a weird cut of a castle (?) before slowly driving up a gravel driveway. I guess it’s something, because Elvia is excited to see if someone there can help them. Why she left the door open on the car before running off to the building, I don’t know, but that seems weird.

After banging on the door/gate thing, calling out, no one answers Elvia’s calls. She walks round the building and enters what… I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be ruins or just a bunch of discard junk. Anyway, LOOK AWAY WING A BIG SPIDER FALLS ON HER HAND [Wing: WHY IS IT ALWAYS SPIDERS?] and she screams as some weird doll toy drops and swings in her face. What the hell is this, a bunch of random metaphors predicting events?

Someone touches her shoulder and Elvia gasps, turning around to find a man all dressed in black. Old Scratch, perhaps? Dracula? He bids her a good evening, as Elvia does in return. Genevieve is out at the car, smoking, I don’t know if she’s able to see what’s going on or not. I guess not, because the man in black escorts Elvia back to the car, where she announces to Genevieve she’s found someone! Hooray!

[Wing: So we’re all on the same page, I have crushes on both Elvia and Genevieve, and I hardcore ship them at this point. It will only get worse.]

It’s Waldemar? I didn’t recognize him. Stupid English dub with its horrible sound levels strike again. He greets Genevieve and says he’s the only one who lives around here, so they’re lucky to have found him. Sure. He “just happened” to be exploring the ruins and his house is located conveniently “over there”. Genevieve inquires about the village but Waldemar explains it’s “rather far”. SURE. He extends his hospitality for a few days and says his handyman Pierre has a “small car” and can take the women to the village for some gasoline. Apparently Elvia had time to tell him all that happened and that they were out of gas? Weird.

Elvia inquires of a telephone. Nope. No electricity either. Waldemar says it may seem primitive but the conditions are suited to his work. WHAT WORK WOULD THAT BE? Oh, he’s a writer. (DRINK!) He casually adds he’s been here for six months and could use some “intelligent conversation”. Apparently Pierre doesn’t count!

We get a random shot of the house – in DAY LIGHT – with a thunder sound effect before we’re suddenly at dinner in a dark room lit by candles. Lord this is whiplash on my brain. Waldemar is informing the women he’s writing a book on the history of gothic churches in the north of France (I wish I knew what the Spanish version of this dialogue was, because I have questions.) [Wing: What questions? I can try to go back through this version.] [bat: I don’t remember my question now. I think it had to do with ‘has this series always been set in France? Because I thought it was set in Spain??’ or something like that.] and I’m like wait, I’m pretty sure this is filmed in Spain? (Yep, IMDb says all Spain.)

Genevieve asks if he will publish his book in France. No, the book is for the University of Cologne. Okay. I DON’T THINK THERE IS EVEN A BOOK SO. Genevieve informs Waldemar that she and Elvira are university students working on their final “pieces” – does she mean their thesis? Is this where something got lost in translation? [Wing: Subtitles say thesis.] She asks Waldemar to help, since he knows the area so well. He agrees.

When Waldemar asks what the women are looking for, instead of just saying Countess Nadasdy’s tomb, Elvira rambles about the tomb of a witch who practiced black magic and could turn into a vampire. Waldemar goes silent and looks slightly horrified as Elvira says Nadasdy’s name. Lighting flashes conveniently, [Wing: And in it a woman’s face!] scaring Elvira and Genevieve. Elvira rises and says she’s tired, and leaves. Kinda rude. [Wing: Well, he was blankly staring into space and not responding. I suppose I can’t blame them.] Taking a candle, she asks if Genevieve is coming, too. They say good night to Waldemar and leave.

“Hope you sleep well,” he replies.

Okay I have no idea what the image that flashed / inter-cut the scene but I’m guessing it’s something to do with Nadasdy.

Up in their bedroom, Genevieve complains about cold water and intends to complain to Waldemar. [Wing: I think she’s joking, based on the tone in the undubbed version.] She takes off her robe to reveal one of the most 70s-looking baby doll nightgowns ever and how would anyone ever be comfortable sleeping in that. Elvira isn’t concerned with the water issue; she thinks Waldemar has been lying to them. She thinks only a woman could set a dinner table like that (???) AND OH MY GOD THE LIGHTNING SOUND EFFECT IS LOUDER THAN THE DIALOGUE SO I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE’S SAYING.

Genevieve tries to be rational. She agrees the table was set properly but all he served was a dish of cold cuts and that’s a “man’s way of eating”. Oh, okay, Genevieve solves the mystery of what Elvira was complaining about. Apparently there’s light fixtures in the house. But Genevieve says maybe the installation isn’t completed, so that’s why they don’t work. Plausible.

Elvira isn’t buying it. She says Waldemar got real upset when she mentioned Wandesa aka Countess Nadasdy. (I love it, Waldemar and Wandesa!) Genevieve tells Elvira to go to bed. She doesn’t think Waldemar is strange, but in fact a kind person who is “thirsty for company”. Genevieve is too trusting, yo. She tells Elvira to be nice. Then she blows out the candle and settles into bed.

Before getting in to her bed, Elvira notices the window latch is undone. We notice, too, because the camera ZOOMS IN ON IT, wtf. She tells Genevieve there’s no lock on the window! Horrors! Genevieve basically tells Elvira to shut up and let her sleep, she’s tired. “No vampire’s going to suck your blood. Don’t be afraid, this isn’t Dracula’s house!”

Well, she is right about it not being Dracula’s house…

Genevieve tells Elvira to take two sleeping pills, then changes her mind and says take one, they’re strong. Apparently we did witness Genevieve taking one. Also, it’s interesting. Genevieve has the double bed and Elvira has the single. Hmmmmmmmm…. [Wing: I kept waiting for the sleepover snuggles to begin, especially with Genevieve’s little nightie.]

Elvira does not take a sleeping pill.

SUDDENLY the camera is zoomed in on the window latch again. But nothing happens other than a smash cut to Waldemar’s face. I would say he is pensive, and perhaps plotting. Also, I have zero idea what the scene was for, since he just walks around and looks at shit and nothing happens.

Upstairs, Elvira is still awake, the candle burning in the holder. Genevieve is asleep. Elvira settles more in bed, closing her eyes, having left all her makeup on. As you do in a horror movie. Soon she sits up and sees someone at the window, the latch beginning to turn. The window opens outwards; we cut to a totally not reacting at all shot of Elvira, before switch back to a woman’s face, as she enters through the window.

Elvira just stares. Doesn’t scream, doesn’t do anything.

The woman starts talking and all I can catch is that Elvira should listen to her. Stupid fucking thunder sound effects again. Next thing, this strange woman is saying something about “get you” and has her hands around Elvira’s throat. Elvira groans? and looks terrified. The woman looks pleased, releasing Elvira’s neck before pawing at Elvira’s nightgown, pulling it down off her shoulders, kind of totally molesting Elvira. She laughs and the image goes blurry.

[Wing: She’s straight up groping Elvira’s breasts. We’re into softcore lesbian vampire porn here.] [bat: There was honestly a lot of groping in this film, far more than the prior one, and you would have thought KINKY PSEUDO-SCIENCE SEX CULT would have had just as much if not more groping.]

And now we’re back to Waldemar. Damn, there are a lot of face closeups in this. HOLD UP. He says to excuse him and he’ll explain tomorrow and he’s STANDING OVER A SLEEPING ELVIRA WHO WAKES UP. WHAT THE FUCK?

Waldemar explains the strange woman is his sister and to forgive her intrusion, he didn’t know she’d do that. (???) His sister is mentally disturbed and it’s his cross to bear. OH REALLY. Elvira is really in to Waldemar being that close and sitting on the bed. She also excuses the sister’s behavior and she was just frightened, being so tired and nervous. UM SHE TRIED TO CHOKE YOU? Elvira says it was only a surprise and she feels much better with Waldemar here.

What the fuck is this dialogue??

[Wing: Not any better in Spanish. Also, she looks 100% post-orgasm during this conversation. I wonder if she knew about the choking kink before.]

Waldemar says she looks tired and she should go to sleep. Uh. Okay, I was wrong, it wasn’t a window, it’s a door with a window panel in it. The aspect ratio did not make this clear. He leaves and Elvira goes to sleep and there’s going to be a lot of makeup smeared on that pillow case. Also, Genevieve has slept through everything. Those sleeping pills ARE strong!

SUNRISE! (Drink?)

Waldemar and Elvira are walking the grounds around his house while Genevieve seems to be exploring the ruins? I guess Waldemar is explaining about his sister. Their father was killed in an accident (OH REALLY?) and his sister was traumatized. She “lost her mental stability”. Instead of locking her in an asylum, he decided to isolate her. Oh this just sounds like justified imprisonment, Waldemar. He insists his sister is happy here and has a daily routine. “She’s really harmless.” UH HUH.

[Wing: We’re back in crazy = dangerous territory here, aren’t we.]

He says maybe he shouldn’t hide her anymore and should have told the women. Waldemar then goes on a fishing expedition, asking if Elvira remembers what his sister said, excusing it that she’s a “poor thing” who dreams up crazy things. UH HUH. Elvira says she can’t remember and it was confusing.

Meanwhile, Genevieve has found the torture chamber sex dungeon where there’s an assembly of iron cuffs and chains. And blood. Hm. Quite a bit of blood. Genevieve goes over and practically sticks her finger in the blood, AS YOU DO. [Wing: Blood in the sex dungeon. Imma touch it.] There is a noise and Genevieve cries out as Waldemar’s sister attacks her. The women struggle. The sister rips Genevieve’s top open – why? [Wing: Softcore. Vampire. Lesbian. Porn.] – before strangling Genevieve. Somehow Genevieve manages to scream?

Waldemar and Elvira hear the noise and at least Waldemar runs to the source. Elvira’s apparently confused. He finds Genevieve laying in the dirt, I think that’s blood on her chin? It’s a bad print, I can’t tell. Elvira is concerned! Waldemar and Elvira help Genevieve to stand, as she moans.

SMASH CUT to Waldemar pacing behind his sister, who looks haggard and unkempt. He tells Elizabeth she mustn’t frighten these girls. They are his last hope! (What???) Elizabeth informs Waldemar that Genevieve was in the shack looking at the chains and she has found out everything. (How???) Waldemar assures Elizabeth there’s nothing to find out and the shack is now locked. He insists that Elizabeth leave them alone!

In the guest room, Genevieve lays in bed as Elvira dresses her wounds. Genevieve wants to leave, she’ll walk if she has to! Elvira excuses Waldemar and says he explained about Elizabeth. Genevieve points out Elizabeth nearly killed her and she doesn’t trust Waldemar. Elvira dismisses Genevieve’s concerns and says there’s circumstances Genevieve doesn’t understand. Ugh. She insists that Waldemar is unhappy and needs help. Genevieve asks about the chains. Elvira insists that it’s for game hunting. UH HUH.

[Wing: We’ve pretty much flipped the script here. One wants to stay, one wants to go. Which is which? Depends on the scene.] [bat: They are as consistent as the scene transitions.]

Genevieve says if she sees Elizabeth again she’ll leave so fast Elvira won’t see the dust from her shoes! She also warns Elvira to be care and not be too soft-hearted in this situation. Elvira ignores her friend’s excellent warning and insists they go downstairs and show Waldemar their “papers and documents” since he’s so keen on helping. Genevieve is still suspicious.

Down in the dining room, Waldemar goes through their documents, and uses his own to decide the key to everything is in the ruins. They seek a place called Devil’s Crossing. Elvira gives a history lesson and recap of what they know. Waldemar knows where the Devil’s Crossing is and decries himself as stupid for never realizing he knows where the tomb is. Okay.

The trio set out in broad daylight. Elizabeth watches from the window, looking creepy. We get some really bad blurry swirly shots of trees (look away, Wing) as the trio climb a hillside. Neither of these women are dressed for hiking, let alone excavation or anything dirty. Soon they randomly come to a stone slab that sure looks like a tomb. “Could this be it?” I GUESS SO.

Genevieve points out that suicides or persons practicing witchcraft were buried at cross roads “like this one”. I have no idea where the fuck the road is, so this seems odd. She adds excitedly that this was also considered a perfect place to summon Satan. Waldemar just randomly says their papers are correct, this is it.

They randomly half-heartedly “clear” brush and debris from the tomb, accomplishing nothing, before Elvira reads the inscription. Yep, it’s Countess Nadasdy. “Satan’s favorite mistress!” (I can’t stop laughing.) No one must disturb her rest until the day of the last judgement, reads the tomb. SURE. Genevieve is ecstatic, she didn’t think Nadasdy was real!

Oh SURE. The three of them totally undo the heavy slab with their hands and a single crowbar wielded by Waldemar, moving it away with MINIMAL EFFORT. Nope, can’t suspend disbelief in that one. Inside the… fake concert and dirt tomb is a wooden coffin. Suddenly Elvira has a doubt! She says they found the tomb and they shouldn’t profane it, they should leave. BITCH YOU JUST TOTALLY PROFANED IT BY SHOVING THE FAKE STONE LID OFF.

Genevieve says they have to open the coffin to confirm the body is in there. Besides, she wants PHOTOS, she says, whipping out a film camera. (I can see a modern day remake of this scene in my head and I am laughing hysterically.) With photos, they’ll be sensational and become famous! Elvira pouts and says they can go ahead but she doesn’t want to be around when Genevieve and Waldemar open the coffin. She’s off to sulk at the ruins of St Ann’s chapel.

Wait, what happened to her being all gung-ho and excited in front of her date at the bar? This is a huge discovery and important to their graduation requirements and now she’s all cold feet and storming off? What the hell?

[Wing: There’s a lot of whiplash emotional changes for the women.]

Meanwhile, Waldemar tosses the corpse of what I think is a jackrabbit out of the stone box surrounding the tomb. Genevieve stammers in confusion because that dead jackrabbit is still pretty fresh. HOW STRANGE AND ODD. Waldemar opens the lid of the wooden coffin easily, complete with terribly cheesy sound effects, I’m laughing again. Yep there’s a body but the dust flying around and the horrible print of this film make it impossible for me to see, let alone understand what I am viewing.

Waldemar spots the silver cross Countess Nadasdy was slain with still jammed in her remains. Oh and a quick camera pan shows it’s a really fake skeleton in the wooden coffin. I guess this is confirmation for viewers like me. It looks like one of those really badly made plaster molds of someone’s face with teeth stuck in.

No surprise at all to me, Genevieve reaches in and PULLS THE SILVER CROSS from the corpse. Because, yeah. Because she decided to desecrate the remains, she is cut and bleeds all over the corpse, after removing the object that made sure it stayed a corpse. Can we all see where this is headed? Yeah, just keep bleeding into the open mouth of the corpse! Sigh.

I guess we really needed a LONG SHOT of Genevieve’s stage blood dripping in big fat drops all over the open mouth of Countess Nadasdy’s corpse.

[Wing: We did! It’s dramatic! I love it.]

Waldemar wraps the fake wound in his clean white handkerchief as Genevieve makes upset noises of fake pain, still holding that silver cross. Genevieve casually mentions to Waldemar, as he wraps her arm, that if the silver cross is removed, Nadasdy will regain her power and “the breath that will bring her back to life will be red.” Okay, Genevieve is an idiot or she totally did that on purpose. I leave it up to you to decide. [Wing: Unlike Hat earlier, she did it on purpose not to prove the legend was a lie but because she’s besotted with Nadasdy and wants a vampire lover.] [bat: …I mean, I would probably – if it were a certain vampire – choose the same path.] [Wing: And no one should blame you.]

Dismissing that as nonsense, Waldemar is keeping pressure on the wound. If she was hurt that badly, Genevieve would be acting as such. Instead she’s complaining that Elvira didn’t stick around to watch her desecrate the corpse, steal the cross, bleed into the corpse’s mouth in effort to raise Nadasdy from the dead, and they better go find her in the ruins of the chapel.

Uhhhhh what the hell? Waldemar says they better put things in order. Then starts shoveling dirt on top of the corpse. WHY NOT JUST PUT THE LID OF THE COFFIN BACK ON AND REPLACE THE EASILY MOVED STONE LID OF THE TOMB? It was so fucking easy to slide off but you can’t put it back??? Genevieve just stands there and takes photos and talks about how she got “some good ones!”

I know, I am asking too much of a film series that tried to tell us a fucking Yeti turned a man into a werewolf.

[Wing: That makes me laugh every time I think about it.]

OVER AT THE RUINS OF ST. ANN’S CHAPEL, Elvira wanders around as bird sounds play. Okay, just keep using that random animals stock sound you purchased. As Elvira climbs around, completely not dressed for such activity, we see a figure in a hooded robe, sort of a monk-type. Elvira approaches him, announce she’s a stranger. The figure turns around and reveals a ruined face, teeth exposed, and flesh… burned? Rotted? Something. The first sensible thing Elvira does is scream – I’m shocked – and runs away. Zombie!monk pursues, slowly, and Elvira is completely lost and somehow ends up deeper in the ruined chapel with no exit.

Oh, the slow motion footage of the zombie!monk running is *chef’s kiss*.

And, for no apparent reason, HERE’S WALDEMAR!

Literally, he just came out of no where. I can’t even chalk that up to werewolf powers. It’s just weird editing.

Anyway, Waldemar so happens to see Elvira cornered by the zombie!monk and stabs it with the silver cross. The now fake dead body falls to the ground in a crumpled heap. NO EXPENSE SPARED ON THE SFX STUFF, FOLKS!

Elvira and Waldemar stare at the empty robe, Waldemar having collected the cross. Elvira grabs onto him, crying and still shook up. Waldemar says they better get back. To the house, I guess.

EXTERIOR ESTABLISHING SHOT: MOON (Drink!)

I guess it’s supposed to be a full moon? Hard to tell with that fucking tree blocking part of it. Even the zoom in makes it difficult to be sure. We hear a sort of heart beat-type whoosh sound over the strange, eerie score. Then I’m not sure what the fuck I’m looking at until whatever it is starts moving and I guess it’s the dirt Waldemar shoveled over onto Nadasdy’s exposed corpse.

Now the moon has taken on a red cast, so Full Blood Moon? (Drink!)

A flesh-covered hand slowly emerges from the dirt. GUESS WHO IS RISING FROM THE GRAVE! Albeit very slowly and dramatically.

[Wing: The dramatic acting in this series is one of my favorite things about the whole entire two movies of it I’ve watched.]

Back at Waldemar’s house, Elvira is rambling away about the handyman Pierre being there tomorrow and getting a ride into the village in his car. Genevieve is staring off into space or at something off camera and doesn’t seem to be hearing her friend. Elvira wants to leave and return to civilization. SHE JUST WANTS TO GO BACK TO THAT NIGHTCLUB AND HAVE DINNER WITH MARCEL, OKAY!

[Wing: Once again we’ve flipped who wants to stay and who wants to go! It is sort of tied to who is being seduced by whom at any give point, so that’s fun.]

Genevieve was paying attention, because she says Elvira seems interested in Waldemar, more than she ever was with Marcel. Um, Wing, do you see the photo moving on the wall behind Elvira? Or am I just seeing things? [Wing: I missed it.] Elvira complains that everything is weird and strange and things they’ve seen don’t exist – is this about Nadasdy? Because, um, there was totally a corpse there. – but Genevieve makes fun of Elvira, saying maybe Waldemar is part of her delusion. Okay. Elvira says if Marcel were around, he’d explain everything with SCIENCE!

Suddenly, Genevieve asks Elvira if she believes in God. Wow, terrible segueway. Elvira says of course she does. Genevieve tells her to pray, it’s all they can do. Elvira appears totally rocked by this. Genevieve says she’s thirsty (UH HUH) and goes downstairs to find some water. She totally DOES NOT have any bandages over her arm. Where’s the wound? That cut was supposedly so bad she was leaking blood all over yet now, nothing??

Elvira declines water but tells Genevieve to hurry, she doesn’t want to be alone. Yeah, I can agree, after being attacked by Elizabeth and a zombie!monk. OH SOMEONE ON SET NOTICED AND THE BANDAGE IS ON HER ARM! Continuity, what is it!

Just as Genevieve begins to drink some water, a woman’s voice shout-calls “COME TO ME!” We’re supposed to believe Genevieve sees a weird shadow ghost thing move across the wall. Genevieve smiles and starts to walk towards the direction it went. Suddenly there’s a woman, dressed in black with a veil hiding her face, standing in a hallway full of fog. THIS HAS ESCALATED QUICKLY.

The veiled woman disappears as Genevieve wanders slowly down the fog-filled hall. Ironically, she is wearing a white dress. So a “virginal” bride? We get a close up of Nadasdy’s face half hidden by the veil, watching. Genevieve is now outside, wandering in the “dark”… but now the Countess is back, holding out her hands to Genevieve, drawing her closer. Removing the bandage, Nadasdy brushes back her veil and wraps her mouth around the not-bleeding wound. I mean, I guess it’s easy access and all? Genevieve’s expression is one of ecstasy.

From the shadows (?) Elizabeth leans in to watch. Uh oh.

[Wing: SOFTCORE. LESBIAN. VAMPIRE. PORN.]

Nadasdy caresses Genevieve’s hair and cuddles up for a moment, so I guess she’s found a new lover. Or is working on taking a new lover, because I guess that’s what vampires do fresh out of the grave and all. Don’t need to worry about shelter, I suppose, just go back to the grave during the daylight. And a lover = instant accessible feeding. Anyway, I would hazard that there is kissing going on but it is all blocked by the veil. And the fact this print is DARK AF, geez. The top half of the image is so dark, it’s impossible to see anything except the lower half of the women on screen.

So Nadasdy takes Genevieve’s hand and they leave. Screen JUMP CUTS to Waldemar reading a very old book. A very weird howling starts, draws Waldemar’s attention, but he goes back to the book. Apparently he’s giving himself a refresher course on “HOW TO KILL THE UNDEAD”, whether that’s a vampire or a werewolf (I actually typed wherewolf first, this will make Wing laugh) [Wing: It did!] I’m guessing it’s the latter since he says the man must be stabbed by the woman who loves him. “Then his soul will be free forever.” DUDE. YOU DIED IN THE LAST FILM AND NOW YOU’RE BACK AGAIN. HOW GOOD IS THIS INFO IF IT DOESN’T SEEM TO WORK?

Meanwhile, smash cut to Elvira coming down stairs and yelling for Genevieve. What the fuck, the screen flashes an image of a pair of blue eyes multiple times as we see… well a brunette is impaled on the gate? It keeps swinging back and forth and it’s obvious the woman playing the body is doing it? Is it supposed to be Genevieve or Elizabeth??

In the foggy hallway, Elvira walks along until she sees Genevieve. Okay, I guess that was Elizabeth dead on the gate. Oops. Genevieve has leveled up into junior vampire and is now sporting a long black cape. [Wing: Team Werewolf needs more dramatic capes.] We get a weird closeup on Genevieve’s ecstatic face and some rambling about it being beautiful “out there”. Oh, I get it, the eye close ups are the vampire seduction techniques. She’s trying to recruit Elvira to the undead.

“Come with us, you’ll know what pleasure is!” Genevieve urges Elvira. [Wing: Yeah she will.] Just then Waldemar walks in and Genevieve gets freaked. Holding up the silver cross, Waldemar steps slightly before Elvira. Genevieve starts screaming and runs back down the foggy hallway. Wow, I guess she turned into a vampire real damn fast. Also, some more of that weird slow motion stuff. I’m not sure it’s having the intended affect.

Elvira hugs Waldemar and he tells her it’s all right, just before we jump cut (ugh) to Waldemar saying they shouldn’t have opened the coffin, Nadasdy is back and has regained her power. WELL DUH, Genevieve is to blame for yanking the damn cross out and cutting herself as well as BLEEDING INTO THE CORPSE’S OPEN MOUTH. Not that Waldemar didn’t have his part in it, by shoving the stone lid off the tomb.

Oh, okay, on second listen, I guess Nadasdy is responsible for the undead zombie!monk as well. So she’s not at full power but little by little she is regaining it. Waldemar says WALPURGIS IS IMMINENT (so, this movie is set in April?) and endless horrors will begin to happen! DO YOU PROMISE??

[Wing: I can only dream of endless horrors.]

I guess it is also the next day, because Elvira is in a different outfit and it’s daylight outside the window Waldemar was staring out of. Okay. How many outfits did Elvira pack? Elvira informs Waldemar that Satan takes over on Walpurgis. Okay. Waldemar apparently knows this, saying the devil will have his power and nothing can be done about it. “Vampires will reign supreme!” Gee, defeatist attitude much?

So, like, this is blending witches and vampires and I’m kind of rankled by this plot point.

Waldemar continues to try and scare Elvira, adding that she should leave with Pierre and get some gasoline and leave this place. Wait, has Waldemar not found his dead sister yet? Elvira insists they should call the cops and inform the villagers. She wants to fight! Sure, why not. Waldemar does his best to dissuade her, saying he has to fight alone. Elvira says Genevieve is still there (sort of?) and she cannot leave him, then calls him darling. “I can’t leave because I love you.” WELL THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY, AGAIN.

Elvira isn’t afraid of anything as long as Waldemar is with her. OH HONEY. YOU DON’T KNOW WHO OR WHAT HE IS, DO YOU. (Was that an awkward kiss or what? Is this where I mention that the character of Elvira was named after Naschy’s real life wife?)

Well I guess that awkward kissing was enough to change Waldemar’s mind, because he implores Elvira to go with Pierre, to get gasoline, because if they fight they’ll need the car. I’ve never heard anyone say they need a car to fight vampires but why not.

[Wing: bat.

bat.

bat.

I mean, really now. You ignored a(n alright, slight vague) Lost Boys reference? I’m shocked.] [bat: Now I ask, did I honestly ignore it or did I purposefully leave it up to you to talk about the car connection, Wing??]

He adds haltingly that while she’s away he’ll make “certain precautions” for her safety. He ends up giving her the silver cross, telling her to keep it with her at all times. I mean, it’s daylight. Though I suppose if she ran into the zombie!monk in the daylight, other things are possible. Maybe even Genevieve.

Pierre honks the horn impatiently, but Elvira and Waldemar kiss some more. You ain’t going into battle yet. Get on with the battle prep! Elvira heads out, Waldemar staying behind and… what… contemplating? Dude, you’re a werewolf (why do I keep typing wherewolf, damn it) and you’re totally prepping Elvira to fall in love with you so she can kill you. We remember the previous movie! (Also, just like the previous film, this one could use a better editor. Geez.)

We don’t see Pierre; we just hear him drive away, I’m sure Elvira is in the car. Seems a little odd for the dude employing Pierre to not go out with the random woman he’s trapping into loving him and introduce them, is it not? Waldemar only goes outside after he hears the car drive away, watching it speeding off into the distance. Do we trust Pierre??

I guess so, because next we see the old truck Pierre drives speeding along the winding road. In the cab Elvira has done a quick change and now wears a black top? What the fuck? She was in pumpkin orange a second ago! Pierre informs Elvira of their destination and that it will take time and she will enjoy the trip. Um, okay? Elvira asks for a detour to the post office. She has a letter to mail. Pierre says there’s no post office but he totally wants her to see the butcher shop! Is something being lost in translation? [Wing: … his girlfriend. Who maybe works at the butcher shop? But he’s eager to introduce her to his girlfriend.]

Oh my, Pierre says they also have a peaceful cemetery next to a monastery! He adds that everyone thinks he is crazy for living next to it. This… this is not a comforting conversation. He then asks if Elvira thinks he’s crazy, continuing that he gets angry when people think he’s crazy. WHO THE FUCK DID YOU SEND ELVIRA OFF WITH, WALDEMAR??

There’s some rambling about good reputations and then Pierre casually asks about if Elvira heard about the dead woman found near where she’s staying. (This movie needs an editor as well as a script writer, good god.) Some are saying a werewolf tore open the dead woman’s throat. RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE! Pierre informs Elvira he’s never killed anyone. Just exactly what a killer would say, duh. He says people just spread lies about him. He then tells Elvira how she’s very beautiful and he loves her long red hair.

Whatever happens is 1000% Waldemar’s fault.

Now Pierre is ranting about women cutting their hair. And how he could like Elvira. And how there’s many women he doesn’t like. Can Nadasdy just kill Pierre already? Is Genevieve around to do so? Anybody?

Elvira has maintained total silence during all of this, bless her.

RANDOM ESTABLISHING SHOT OF THE WOODS. For reasons I cannot understand. And then some footage of clouds rolling by. Oh, we’ve found Waldemar! And he’s dragging Elizabeth into the woods! I’m not sure if she’s dead; the actress totally folded her arms when Waldemar laid her down so… Hey, wait a minute. Was Elizabeth his original plan? A woman who loved him? But does familial love count? Or does it have to be romantic? Either way, I’m guessing that’s why he’s shoving Elvira into his plan B.

Uh oh. Waldemar stares down at Elizabeth for a moment before picking up a mallet and a wooden stake. Kneeling beside the body, he aims the stake and begins to pound it into her heart. “Now I’ll free your soul.” Then he picks up a small axe… Oh boy, we’re going for the full extermination of a suspected vampire. With two good swings, Waldemar beheads the corpse. He then tosses the head into the conveniently dug grave.

And then he picks up the “body”, who swings her legs into the air. Oh lord. And down into the grave goes Elizabeth. Waldemar sets to work filling the dirt back in over his sister’s body.

ESTABLISHING SHOT: NIGHT TIME (drink!)

The headlights of Pierre’s truck don’t really illuminate anything. But he stops shortly after a second or two of driving, anyway. It was hard to tell but apparently a tree has fallen across the road. Pierre attempts to lift it as Elvira exits the truck. Suddenly Pierre looks to their right and becomes terrified. Nadasdy and Genevieve appear, jumping down the side of the hill in slow motion. A weird soundtrack of women singing/laughing/something plays. I guess this is the siren call?

[Wing: They’re trying to lure away their next lover.]

Elvira sees them and holds up the silver cross. Genevieve sports fangs! Nadasdy pulls Genevieve away, the soundtrack turns to wailing. I guess the cross really does repel vampires. They run back into the trees though it’s hard to see anything. I would like to know how the two vampires felled a tree as a roadblock. I would also like to know how that cross repelled them that fast. I mean maybe Nadasdy knows it killed her once and can do it again?

SMASH CUT TO WALDEMAR, sitting in the house, still contemplating I guess. Oh, never mind, he was taking a pause. He explains it’s the full moon (drink!) and Nadasdy is more powerful than ever. Okay, sure. He says Elvira needs to be locked up in the lodge for safety and to have the cross with her. Elvira thinks Waldemar will be in danger, too. No, he’s staying put. She thinks vampires can pass through locked doors. (That’s new to me.) Waldemar says to not ask questions, do as he says, and trust him. Ugh. He adds not to leave the lodge – I am so confused about buildings in this film now – until after sun up.

SMASH CUT to a shirtless Waldemar examining the pentagon-shaped bite (I swear, that still makes me laugh) on his chest in the mirror. Remember, the alleged Yeti bite? I’m still laughing. Maybe Yeti bites are how we get wherewolves! Maybe Waldemar is having a moment of self reflection; trapping / tricking a woman into loving him so she can murder him to set his soul free (again) isn’t a good thing, dear Waldemar.

ESTABLISHING SHOT: THE FULL MOON (drink!)

Waldemar is in the house – not the lodge, though what the difference is, I could not tell you – pacing the living room. A wolf howls in the distance. He begins to choke / groan (??) as the change comes upon him! It happens real fucking fast, too, with a couple of jump cuts. Geez. At least we got to witness it in the previous film. I mean, I’ll give this one the fact they have hair on his face and not a full blown I AM WEREWOLF moment right away but still. [Wing: Really terribly patchy hair that makes no sense in the order it grows in.]

I don’t remember shredded clothes in the prior film, so that’s new and a nice touch. Destroying art work and cuckoo clocks, that is also new. And then Waldemar falls backwards and lands in a jump cut fully transformed. Well, I’ll give that seven stars for being different from the usual. We’re still going with the “JoJo the Dog-Faced Boy” hypertrichosis style of werewolf, too, which I have to say is a nice balance between fantasy and reality. Though the really stupid “noises” he’s making to appear more… dog-like? aren’t doing anything for me.

Oh, god, that was a bucket full of slobber! WTAF!

Annnnnnd Were!demar [Wing: Best.] just burst through a window. Those are expensive, yo, and it’s not like the village has a Home Depot or Lowes!

Meanwhile, at the lodge (supposedly) Elvira is awake and sitting at the table, in her pumpkin-colored sweater, with a pair of lit candles and the silver cross. Hmm, I can totally tell how this movie was filmed by the decided lack of consistency in costuming. Picking up the silver cross, she hears snapping and snarling and yipping, and begins to pray.

Outside, these poorly lit night shots are giving me a headache as I try to parse what the fuck I’m looking at. Were!demar peeks out from behind a tree. There’s a bunch of growling and snarling sounds. Apparently he approaches a man, who screams and cries out. I guess Were!demar is attacking him? I CAN’T SEE ANYTHING.

Oh. Oops. RIP Pierre. (Not sorry to see you go.)

Back in the lodge, Elvira is falling asleep sitting at the table. Her head hits her arm and the spooky music cue hits, and I’m guessing she’s dreaming? She sees Nadasdy and Genevieve landing in front of her in slow motion – damn Genevieve is so much happier as a vampire bride! – and uh… wait… now Elvira is in bed? Wearing a weird nightgown? As the vampire ladies approach the bed? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS EDITING?!

[Wing: Softcore. Lesbian. Vampire. Porn. Needs. No. Continuity.] [bat: Duly noted, for the next time we somehow stumble into Softcore Lesbian Vampire Porn in a Where?There!wolf movie.] [Wing: I truly cannot wait.]

No, Elvira is in the chair, just in a different outfit, and I’m angry because this is just bad production. Genevieve walks behind and pins Elvira to the chair, holding her shoulders. Nadasdy approaches and stabs Elvira through the neck, Elvira screams. Nadasdy catches the flowing blood in a chalice – yeah this is totally a fucking dream – and when it is full, Nadasdy lifts her veil and drinks from the chalice as Genevieve watches, Elvira is dead. Nadasdy hands the chalice to Genevieve who drinks then tosses it away, empty. The camera zooms in on the stab wound in Elvira’s neck. Nadasdy and Genevieve then dance until they disappear into thin air.

Like… are… the vampires giving away their plans? Or is Elvira just dreaming up horrible scenarios?

Annnnnd Elvira wakes with a start. It was all a dream. The door is still locked and chained with a dinky security chain. YEAH THAT’LL STOP VAMPIRES.

Elvira picks up the cross and holds it to her chest, sighing in relief.

EXTERIOR SHOT: SUNRISE (drink!)

Waldemar, human once more, wanders the scrub bush. As you do, I guess, the next morning after killing your handyman. His clothes are all torn up, so he’s not entirely like the Hulk, who loses most of his clothes. Elvira awaits him at the front door, helping him in, either entirely clueless about what Waldemar really is or willfully ignorant.

GOOD FOR WALDEMAR! He is now explaining how a Yeti bit him in Tibet, by leaving out the bite of a Yeti part, and just saying he became a werewolf in Tibet. [Wing: Probably the wisest omission.] [bat: I just really wanted an answer about the damn Yeti!] He explains he used to be chained up during a full moon by Elizabeth but one time he got away and killed some people. The villagers learned and shot him with silver bullets. But he didn’t die. OKAY WE’RE JUST TOTALLY IGNORING THE EVENTS OF FURY OF THE WOLF MAN HERE. [Wing: We’re also ignoring the events of the beginning of this movie! He didn’t stay dead, but he sure as hell was dead enough when the silver bullets were inside him.] At least Elvira looks horrified and upset by this news. She asks if only love can save him?

Yes, Waldemar confirms, and love must drive a specific cross into his heart. Is it the same cross that killed Nadasdy? HOW FORTUNATE. Yep, that’s totally why he helped Genevieve open Nadasdy’s tomb and let her pry it from the remains! They confirm what we already know, that Genevieve is responsible for resurrecting Nadasdy. And now Genevieve is a vampire, they tried to turn Elizabeth but failed, and now they’re probably going after Elvira, because why not. [Wing: Queer Vampire Cult. Queer Vampire Cult. Queer Vampire Cult.] [bat: Imagine if Nadasdy had teamed up with Dr. Ellmann and how powerful the kinky pseudo science sex cult would be then!] [Wing: Oh. My. God. I KNOW WHAT I’M REQUESTING FOR YULETIDE NEXT YEAR!]

Waldemar brings up horrible Walpurgis again. He’s totally terrified of it. (Did I ever mention that I was almost born on 4/30? So I am amused.) Elvira is on a plan of action, trying to find Nadasdy and destroy her. Waldemar says there’s too many places and it takes time. That doesn’t sound suspicious at all, Waldemar. Elvira reminds him they have the silver cross, even if Nadasdy has the power. I mean, I guess it’s a even match? Of course this is the same man who cannot figure out where a vampire would hide out. HELLO.

Finally! Waldemar decides they should start looking at the cemetery. Elvira reminds him vampires need a tomb to hide in (or a deep cave that could basically be “one giant coffin”.) Also I am totally distracted by the “art-like” tears in Waldemar’s shirt. Wouldn’t it just be rips? Not clean cuts? Waldemar tries again to send Elvira away for her own safety. She won’t go to the village, because the villagers are ignorant and “easily excited”. She thinks Pierre told them about what happened. (Didn’t Pierre die? Oh wait…) Besides, the villagers’ ancestors killed Nadasdy back in the day so she’s going to revenge herself.

Elvira is well and thoroughly “in love” with Waldemar, because she promises to stay put. It’s your life, lady, though you’ve been used as a pawn.

Later, upstairs, because Elvira is wearing another weird nightgown while admiring the silver cross in her hands, she ends up putting it down while brushing her hair. Weird music plays as the camera zooms in on the window… where nothing is there…. until it cuts to a different shot and there’s Genevieve, fanged out and watching. Elvira gets up and tosses her robe onto the dresser, covering the cross, squeaking in fright at the sight of Genevieve.

Oh. Genevieve is in the room now. I guess these vampires don’t need invitations. Or maybe because she was already a guest in the home pre-turn? Elvira walks over and follows Genevieve to the little twin bed, where Genevieve strokes her hair and sits Elvira down on the mattress. There’s a bit of touchy-feely on Genevieve’s part while Elvira (under a spell?) sits there without a fight. Soon Genevieve is leaning in, ready to bite! And does so, Elvira falling back on the mattress, moaning a little.

[Wing: Once again, Elvira’s real orgasmic over this. I love it.

Yes, we could talk about the trouble with the only queer action being allowed when it is (a) women and (b) specifically evil women, the corruptive force of a sexually active woman, all the way back to Lilith and Eve and reaching too far for knowledge, but also, I love this. Queer. Evil. Vampire. Cult.]

ESTABLISHING SHOT EXTERIOR: DAYLIGHT, BIRDS FLYING (drink!)

Oh, wait? Is it night? WERE THOSE BATS? THIS IS SO DAMN CONFUSING. Waldemar steps over an open grave (?) and we get more howling wolf sound effects. Is that his theme song? He’s in a cemetery, that’s for certain. I think he’s armed with a mallet and stake? Anyway, we get an inserted shot of Elvira, suspicious bite marks on her neck.

Oh! Here comes Genevieve! She hops down in the open grave and readies to pull… the coffin? the coffin’s lid? THIS IS A HORRIBLE TRANSFER I CANNOT SEE SHIT! when Waldemar appears! Oh boy, it’s a vampire vs werewolf showdown but only one of them is transformed! And the slow-motion shit is back, too. Save me.

[Wing: Her hair is so floaty in slow motion!]

Genevieve brushes the hair from her eyes, staring as the camera zooms right on in there. Waldemar slowly approaches, drops the mallet and stake, then lets Genevieve attack him. He holds her off, they struggle, she tries to bite him, then I guess he shoves her back onto a stake because suddenly she’s got a giant hole in her chest and blood spilling out of her mouth. What the hell?

RIP Genevieve

Elvira is still unconscious but the bite marks on her neck disappear with a fancy fade. Guess she’s okay? Genevieve also reverts to human (huh, I wonder if Schumacher saw this? Explains David’s transformation post-death) and Waldemar walks away. Nadasdy watches, lookin’ fancy in her veiled headdress and particularly hilarious long fangs. [Wing: Oh, right, a point I meant to make earlier, I hate the location of the fangs. The Lost Boys does it, too, but I stand by my belief that vampire fangs should be the canines.] [bat: Technically, The Lost Boys sport double fangs, including the canines, which made them unique back in the day. The fangs in this are just terrible and make me laugh.] Oh dear, the sun is rising! I guess vampires only move in SLOW MOTION because she “runs” through the ruins as the sun begins to light them before leaping off the edge and into the lower part of the ruins. Complete with WEIRD ZOOM OUT of the sunrise. This is so artsy. [Wing: So. Dramatic. I love her.]

Well, I guess it’s daylight for sure, now. Waldemar had time to change into a non-ripped shirt and find Elvira still passed out on the bed. He wakes her and says it’s all over (? how?) and everything will be fine. Elvira melts down, saying Genevieve attacked and made her mark on Elvira, and the cross didn’t work. BECAUSE YOU COVERED IT UP?? Waldemar says Genevieve is dead and the mark is gone. No worries! He says Genevieve is no longer damned but pray for her soul. What?

It must be LATER, because now Waldemar and Elvira are walking through the ruins. He says he can’t find Nadasdy. Elvira insists they explore underground and all the passages. Oh please no, there’s still too much time left on the counter, this movie could use a severe edit as it is. Waldemar says it would take years. Elvira points out that Nadasdy hasn’t come around since Genevieve died. HOW MUCH TIME HAS PASSED??

“Tonight we will have a full moon.” OH MY GOD A WHOLE MONTH? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, MOVIE??

Anyway, Waldemar asks Elvira to chain him up, because, you know. She’s to stay at the lodge and keep the silver cross. Sure. Because that worked so well LAST TIME.

ESTABLISHING SHOT: FULL MOON RISING (drink!)

Waldemar is already chained up (thank you for speeding it up for once!) and struggling in his chains, [Wing: I really like what foley did with the sound of the chains against the wooden frame.] as the full moon does its job to transform him into Were!demar once more. It’s not the full sequence but I have to give credit to Naschy for giving it his all. Elvira hears him and stupidly unlocks and unchains the door and goes out WITHOUT THE SILVER CROSS.

She is almost immediately attacked by Pierre, who knocks her unconscious and picks her up, carrying her off. We cut back to Were!demar, who’s almost fully transformed now. Pierre is rambling about loving Elvira and how she’ll be with him forever. Uh oh, is he a vampire? Were!demar’s transformation is now complete and he snaps the chains from the ceiling! He’s loose! For being a fucking werewolf who is struggling against chains and captivity, he certain does calm down extremely fast.

Sure enough, Were!demar soon finds Pierre carrying off Elvira, by kicking down a door. Huh. He jumps Pierre from behind, who drops (throws?) Elvira to the ground, as Were!demar slashes Pierre across the face, leaving a bloody gash. Pierre fights back and the two struggle in the hallway, though Were!demar clearly has the upper hand (paw?)

Bleeding pretty severely, Pierre goes in for another attack but is eventually knocked to the ground, where Were!demar bites his throat like a vampire would (this is so confusing to me) and we know it’s bad because Pierre screams before we jump cut to Were!demar rising with a piece of flesh in his teeth. He’s ripped Pierre’s throat out. Oops?

RIP Pierre (again? Yeah, a second time. Still not sorry to see you go.)

[Wing: Maybe we can go for the hat trick. I wouldn’t mind seeing him die thrice.]

I did laugh when Were!demar slammed the useless door back as if shutting it behind himself, as he leaves.

OH NOW IT’S PIERRE’S FUNERAL shit this is moving fast. I mean, I am not complaining, but geez. Cramming it all in at a break-neck pace in the last fifteen minutes of the film is a choice. The prior film did that, too. There’s a large procession of villagers following the coffin. A fancy car pulls to a stop in the road. It’s Marcel! He leans out to get a look at the funeral procession. That might be you, soon, Marcel!

We jump cut to Waldemar and Elvira in bed. Holy shit, well, I guess it’s been a MONTH since Genevieve’s death so he’s had time to thoroughly seduce her and get her in bed, as well as in love, so she can put him down. Waldemar says he’ll remember this moment forever – HOW? YOU’LL BE DEAD! – as he kisses Elvira. Just as he’s about to pull the sheet down we JUMP CUT (god, please stop!) to Marcel casually strolling in to a bar? He asks for a glass of wine. I don’t know what the big cock on the bar is about but I’m laughing. (It must be some sort of advertisement? For a company with a rooster mascot? Cornflakes???)

Barmaid pours Marcel’s wine and asks if he saw the funeral? Another girl has died. Oops, guess it wasn’t Pierre’s funeral. Nadasdy is still working through the townspeople! Barmaid has a theory about why all these girls are dying. Marcel just wants to know if the dead girl was one who recently arrived. (How “recent”?? IT’S SUPPOSEDLY BEEN OVER A MONTH NOW.) Barmaid is a wealth of knowledge and says she knows who Marcel is talking about. She tells him where to go but says to not go there. Great.

Oh no. She knows there was another murder last night and her “boyfriend is missing. Poor Pierre!” LADY, YOU HAVE BEEN SPARED. She explains Pierre started acting all funny and wouldn’t have sex with her after he went to the old tomb. Barmaid is convinced he was bewitched! And now he’s disappeared. Marcel says he wants proof of her story and holds up what is supposed to be a police badge BUT WE NEVER SEE IT. Hilarious.

Barmaid says he may be used to facing human criminals but in the valley there’s mysterious and evil creatures she has totally seen by the full moon. She tells Marcel to take care. Oh, he won’t. We can all be assured of that.

Waldemar is out on some sort of afternoon pleasure walk alone when a guy wearing a plaid shirt walks up and suddenly attacks him. Waldemar throws him off and asks why he did that. “Because I hate you!” Plaid shirt says Waldemar killed his wife and baby, attacking again. He stabs a stunt knife repeatedly into Waldemar but it doesn’t penetrate Waldemar’s leather jacket at all. The two men struggled until Waldemar pushes plaid shirt back, causing him to fall on and impale himself on the knife. Oops.

Plaid shirt calls Waldemar the devil before dramatically dying. RIP Plaid shirt.

Waldemar just stands there, looking distraught.

Marcel’s car appears, driving up to and parking near another car on this dirt road. it must be Genevieve and Elvira’s car they long abandoned. Marcel draws his fingers through the dirt on the windscreen, leaving claw-like marks. [Wing: Such a strange choice from the character we are meant to believe is human.] Oh, it is parked outside the lodge slash cottage slash whatever the fuck this domicile is. Marcel taps with the door knocker; NO ONE IS GOING TO HEAR THAT! YET THE DOOR OPENS AND THERE IS ELVIRA, ALIVE! AND THANKFULLY DRESSED!

She is stunned to see Marcel, who immediately tries to kiss her, but Elvira turns her head away. SMASH CUT to the dining room, where Waldemar apologizes to Marcel that he had to find out about Elvira and Waldemar getting it on so abruptly. Oops. Waldemar says perhaps it was the death of Genevieve that brought him and Elvira together. WELL THAT’S ONE WAY OF PUTTING IT.

Marcel, thankfully, looks incredulous about this turn of events in his love life. Apparently he didn’t know Genevieve was dead. [Wing: I guess Elvira sent zero actually useful information in any letter, and maybe didn’t send a letter after the first.] [bat: Well, the village didn’t have a post office. How the hell did Marcel find where she was? Although he is a cop, so.] Waldemar keeps babbling about how hard it is to understand all this (??) and that it’s not “facts and figures” but Elvira is important to him and he needs her. YEAH TO KILL YOU, YOU ASSHOLE.

Marcel wants answers about all the strange deaths connected to Waldemar. He threatens a complete investigation even though he doesn’t have jurisdiction. Sure. Go ahead. “All this talk about werewolves and vampires! I don’t believe in such fairy tales!” Well, add Marcel to the “gonna die” list. Marcel brings up that there’s gonna be a special investigation because Pierre, who happened to be Waldemar’s handyman, has been found dead.

Waldemar latches on to where Pierre’s body was found: the knight’s tomb. Marcel does a bad job at playing “good cop”, saying he doesn’t believe stories and rumors without facts. He also adds he just wants Elvira out of danger and if Waldemar cared, he would, too. Especially if Waldemar wants Marcel to believe him. Wow, low of you, Marcel.

Waldemar sticks to his “unexplainable” story and insists Elvira must stay. I mean, if you tell the cop you need her to kill you, yeah, it isn’t going to help. Marcel brings up insanity (because of course) and I feel like Marcel doesn’t really care about Elvira, he just wants to “win”. He also thinks if he removes Elvira from this place, she’ll come to her senses. Yeah, Marcel can die, I don’t care. Even if he says he’ll let Elvira return, once Waldemar is “cleared”, Marcel is still an asshole and I hope he’s taken out by Nadasdy.

Waldemar totally takes one for the team and says he’ll convince Elvira to leave with Marcel. Sure. Marcel heads to his car to wait. Uh. Okay. Waldemar confronts Elvira, telling her if she really loves him, she’ll leave. Good god all the men in your life are terrible manipulators, Elvira. LEAVE THEM. [Wing: Should have joined the Queer Evil Vampire Cult when you had the chance!] He also wants her to give him the silver cross, because if she stays he can’t have it, because it protects her. (Really? About half the time, maybe.) Elvira won’t go. Waldemar insists that Nadasdy needs blood and will continue to turn other young girls and he’s gotta stop her! YOU HAD A WHOLE FUCKING MONTH, WALDEMAR. WHAT KEPT YOU SO BUSY?? [Wing: Bam-chicka-wow-wow.]

“I think I know where she’s hiding. Please go.” What the fuck kind of statement is that?

Elvira continues to refuse. Waldemar informs her that tonight is Walpurgis night! (FINALLY.) He says Marcel won’t leave without Elvira, so Elvira has to go. Elvira hugs Waldemar, crying, telling him she loves him. He returns the sentiment. Suddenly Elvira is being walked to Marcel’s car. AGAIN, this is where mapping out time in a movie is IMPORTANT. This is sure getting crammed in the last ten minutes. I guess Waldemar didn’t even walk Elvira to the car. Some gentleman. He appears at the door to watch Marcel drive away.

Later (apparently) Waldemar draws a finger along an old map and mentions the knight’s tomb again. We get it. He also has the silver cross. But who cares, because Marcel is totally off-roading that expensive car through some random trees. THAT’S NOT A ROAD, MARCEL. Also, why don’t you have your head lights on??

Marcel pulls between some trees and drives so slowly a girl has time to FALL ACROSS THE HOOD OF THE CAR. She is obviously a vampire victim. Elvira screams. Marcel, stupidly, gets out of the car to check the girl. I think her eyes are gouged out? I dunno, there’s blood streaked down her face.

SUDDENLY NADASDY APPEARS! Elvira is horrified. Marcel starts firing his gun at a vampire. Nadasdy wanders towards Marcel, again in slow motion, apparently enjoying being fired upon because she is laughing. Maybe the bullets tickle? (I eat popcorn and laugh, too.) Marcel runs out of bullets but we don’t see what happens, just hear Nadasdy laughing.

Over at the ruins, near the knight’s tomb, we find Elvira and Marcel chained to the wall. There’s an upside down star painted on the wall. What looks like an altar littered with bones. Uh oh, time for a blood sacrifice ritual?

Like, I just want to remind everyone, Nadasdy’s outfit is total goals. Black veiled headdress, flowing black gown, it’s fantastic.

Elvira and Marcel share a look of terror. Nadasdy speaks. She informs them they will be Satan’s slaves and she will have her revenge against Waldemar! Just as she tells them Waldemar won’t be able to save them, Waldemar shows up, mallet and stake in hand. LET THE BATTLE ROYALE COMMENCE!

Oh, never mind, Waldemar has to consult the fucking map. Without a light of any sort. I mean, I suppose werewolf vision or something.

BACK TO THE KNIGHT’S TOMB. Elvira moans, coming to, finding herself tied (and that’s me being generous) to the stone altar. Marcel is still chained to the wall. He wakes up long enough to witness THE SINGLE BEST ENTRANCE IN THIS WHOLE FILM! The stone tomb lid slides back and Countess Nadasdy pops up and I love it. I totally want to go to a Halloween party as her.

[Wing: She is one of the best parts of this movie. So dramatic!]

Elvira screams a couple of times but Marcel is silent. Waldemar is still wending his way towards the knight’s tomb, apparently. He’s taken the stairs and stops AGAIN to consult the map. Soon he ducks through a hole in the wall.

Back at the sacrificial altar, Nadasdy is preparing to sacrifice Elvira. Marcel attempts to get free but it’s a poor effort at best. Where’s your gun now, Marcel? On the wall he sees a shadow! A WEREWOLF’S SHADOW!

Nadasdy ignores the distraction, telling Elvira the full moon will soon be high and Walpurgis will begin. Apparently that’s when Satan will arrive and together they will rule the world! She moves around to potentially stab Elvira – she’s got a knife and everything but not using it! – when Waldemar walks through the tunnel nonchalantly. It wasn’t his shadow! It was Satan’s?? WTF???

[Wing: I thought so! Satan was coming for them. Just too slowly. Also, Nadasdy, darling, if you didn’t feel the need to so dramatically monologue for so long, you could have had them sacrificed already! Satan was on the way! It would have been fine!]

Anyway. Waldemar tosses the map and brandishes the cross at Nadasdy. She backs away from Elvira. Waldemar turns around and wedges the cross in the gap between some stones. OH LIKE IT ISN’T OBVIOUS WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN NOW. Waldemar unties Elvira. Marcel is useless. Once free, Elvira hurries to free Marcel. Apparently the cross in the gap has trapped Nadasdy? I’m confused.

Nadasdy turns to face Waldemar. CUE INSERT OF FULL BLOOD MOON. (Drink!) Walpurgis is happening! Now it goes to some really freaky flashing between the full moon and Waldemar – this hurts to watch, what the fuck, film – and sure enough, THE CHANGE IS UPON WALDEMAR!

Elvira quits attempting to free Marcel – it would be impossible anyway, she doesn’t have the key to the manacles – and turns to watch her lover transform. Even Nadasdy is totally into watching. Sure enough, up pops WERE!DEMAR! Elvira barely registers this turn of events. Were!demar knocks bones and stuff off the altar. This is the slowest, most boring “fight” ever.

FINALLY! VAMPIRE AND WEREWOLF FACE OFF BEGINS!

[Wing: Riiiiiight after they look like they’re going to make out, fangs be damned.] [bat: I am honestly surprised they did not put in that she and Waldemar were once lovers, seriously.] [Wing: They missed a trick.]

Were!demar slashes Nadasdy across the face, sending her flying backwards. She lunges, tackling Were!demar to the ground. They literally roll around in the dirt while Elvira and Marcel watch. Eventually they break apart and get back on their feet. Nadasdy just stands there as Were!demar advances, before he pounces on her and I’m guessing bitesher neck? Elvira gasps in horror and shock. NADASDY IS DOWN! I REPEAT, NADASDY IS DOWN!

The weird shadow thing reappears on the wall? Marcel sees it. Then we watch the most pathetic special effect of Nadasdy’s flesh melting off her skull. It’s terrible. And not in a good way. Just terrible.

And then there’s maggots? WHAT THE FUCK.

[Wing: …so how much inspiration was taken from this for the Lost Boys?]

Yep. We’re shown Nadasdy’s bones being ravaged by maggots. Because why not. I am so disappointed.

Elvira comes to, suddenly remembers the cross, walks over, pries it out of the gap, and SLAMS IT INTO WERE!DEMAR’S HEART! Wow.

[Wing: Goddamn! Elvira really goes for that final girl status!]

Were!demar groans in anguish and pain, slowly sinking to his knees. Marcel fails yet again to get free. Finally Were!demar is on the ground, in the dirt, holding the cross so it doesn’t fall out of his fake wound. Elvira informs him he is now free forever (or until the next sequel.) Were!demar dies, slowly turned human again. This effect is not achieved as intended and is quite laughable.

For some reason, as soon as Waldemar is dead, the chains fall out of the wall. But it’s Elvira’s set that falls. But we don’t see Marcel’s fall. It’s just the aftermath, he’s still manacled but the chains are loose. Why not.

Elvira seems… not so broken up for having been so in love with Waldemar. Marcel comforts her as they stare at Waldemar’s body. Then they leave, walking out into the… daylight??? Wait, really, is it daylight?????? FUCKING MOVIE, MAKE SENSE, DAMN IT.

Elvira and Marcel leave the chapel ruins and the credits begin to roll.

Final Thoughts:

Wow. This series.

So much potential in this one. So much. Not well used, unfortunately. Considering how fantastical the prior entry was – pseudo science, kinky sex cults in castles, trying to convince viewers werewolves are created via Yeti bites – this was more back to basics? Being that we didn’t watch the first film in the “series”, I’m thinking that it would have better prepared us for what this film did. Since it seems to hew closer to the aftermath of that film.

The gore was better but the editing was just as terrible. The special effects really failed at the end. Run time could have been shaved down and still kept the story sensible. It was a pretty strong start to a “we ran out of time so here’s a showdown and oh the end’ ending that left me disappointed.

Still, Countess Nadasdy is my new favorite female vampire and I totally want to dress as her for Halloween some year. So that’s a win in my book. Overall, this has been an eventful and exciting pair of entries for Snark at the Moon!

[Wing: Maaaaybe we should consider watching things in order next time. (Will we? Eh. 50/50.) [bat: We do things OUR WAY here at Snark at the Moon!] I agree that this felt more traditional, back to basics. I did love the Queer Evil Vampire Cult aspects (Dracula’s Brides are such interesting creatures, I always want to see shades of that explored elsewhere, and lots of Carmilla vibes, too), and Nadasdy was the most dramatic, wonderful female vampire I’ve ever seen.

I enjoyed this. Not quite as much as the last one, but that was really over the top fun, and I do think some of the dramatic weirdness I felt for the last one did come from the dubbing. I might have to rewatch it subtitled instead and see how I feel. Waldemar felt … I’m not sure. Less flat? And the women were a fucking delight.

I’ll watch more of the movies in this series. Until then, though, thanks for another excellent Snark at the Moon! season. Excellent movie choices, bat! And here’s to another five years of ridiculousness.]