Title: Goosebumps Series 2000 #26 – The Incredible Shrinking Fifth Grader, a.k.a. “The Adventures of Shrinkman”

Author: R.L. Stine

Cover Artist: Tim Jacobus

Tagline: Don’t call him short stuff!

Summary: Danny has a small problem…

Mom and Dad tucked me tightly into my bed. I sank into the pillow. It was nearly as tall as I was!

They left a dresser lamp on so they could see me easily. “We’ll look in on you every few hours,” Mom promised. When she kissed me good night, I felt like a little baby.

I was the size of a little baby!

They tiptoed out, and I shut my eyes. I felt very tired, but I was afraid to go to sleep.

What if I shrink down to the size of a bug?

What if I completely disappear during the night?

I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours. Worrying. Worrying about shrinking down to nothing. Worrying about disappearing forever.

Initial Thoughts

You may all know Goosebumps Series 2000 ended with its 25th book, The Ghost In The Mirror. What some may not know is another book was supposed to be released, and that’s The Incredible Shrinking Fifth Grader. The title was revealed on Goosebumps fan site The Bumps, which I will be talking more about at some point, in 1998. Tim Jacobus completed the cover artwork in 1999, but then Series 2000 got axed due to legal disputes between Scholastic and Parachute Press.

Now, technically, this isn’t really a Goosebumps recap per say. In 2000, R.L. Stine released several short novellas with cover art by Tim Jacobus. One of them was The Adventures of Shrinkman. It’s been vocally discussed in the Goosebumps fandom that Stine’s other novellas released between Series 2000 and Goosebumps HorrorLand were possibly repurposed or recycled potential Goosebumps books. Some of them have even been released in foreign countries under the banners used for their localized printings of Goosebumps. So there’s no reason why Shrinkman can’t be considered Goosebumps.

Wouldn’t you know Goosebumps_Completionist discovered on the archived Kids WB website that The Adventures of Shrinkman was released in chapters as a book under Stine’s other YA horror series, The Nightmare Room. That makes this a Goosebumps book that was released on its own and then rereleased months later as a Nightmare Room book.

It was in 2017 Jacobus shared the unreleased cover art for The Incredible Shrinking Fifth Grader. That same year, Stine confirmed The Adventures of Shrinkman was indeed The Incredible Shrinking Fifth Grader (or at least evolved form it).

Complicating matters further is that years later Stine released a book entitled Night of the Giant Everything under Goosebumps: Hall of Horrors.

The Art Of Goosebumps included the cover art, alongside Jacobus’s cover for The Adventures of Shrinkman. It also revealed Stine went had a title for the 27th Series 2000 book, When The Snake Bites, but that only got as far as a title.

Some of Stine’s other unused potential Goosebumps titles include: Feeding Frenzy, 43 Freakout Street, The Good The Bad and The Very Itchy, Dimwits of Doom, and Morons from Mars. Rather bizarrely, someone on Amazon has been releasing digital stories using Stine’s other titles under “Chills.”

I genuinely believe Monster Blood IV might’ve originally been Feeding Frenzy due to the story’s plot, but they turned it into a Monster Blood book at the last minute. I mean, that’s pretty much what happened with Slime Doesn’t Pay it seems.

Recap

Danny Marin isn’t like most fifth graders, according to him anyway. He’s a good basketball player, and he’s a (no pun intended) big fan of Shrinkman. Shrinkman’s a comic character created by one Duke Barnes. Danny loves everything about Shrinkman. He owns all the comics, sees all the movies (even if they’re not always good), and draws his own Shrinkman comics in his spare time. Maybe someday, after a lot of training, Danny might be able to write Shrinkman officially.

As someone whose dream is to professionally write about Arsenal and the Legion of Super-Heroes, I see you Danny and I understand you.

His best friend Megan Burleigh’s always teasing Danny about his obsessions, but that’s because she’s jealous. Megan’s super competitive; she’s gotta be the best at absolutely everything, like in science. She can’t stand that Danny’s good at basketball and making his own comics.

Megan chided about Danny working on his comic strip now, when they’re in class and should be preparing for the big science fair. While she went about mixing liquids in beakers, Megan bragged about how she knew she’d win the thousand dollar prize with her project. [Wing: Good goddamn, that’s a huge prize.]

Danny thinks he can convince their science teacher, Mr. Clarkus, to let him do a comic strip for his project. Apparently Clarkus isn’t fond of Danny, which makes sense because Danny calls him “Clarkus the Carcass” due to him being overweight.

And YOU can go fuck right off, Danny.

Anyway, Megan talked about how her science project is a secret. She’s not going to reveal what it’ll do, but claims it will be revolutionary. After all, her great-great-grandmother WAS a witch, so Megan knows a thing or too about mixing stuff.

Danny insists he can too make a comic strip as a science project. He’ll draw Shrinkman exploring the human brain, with every panel explaining how each part works. [Wing: Definitely read that as exploding, which would make a very interesting comic strip showing how each part works.]

But then Danny realized Mr. Clarkus overheard him using that fat-shaming nickname, freaking Danny out and making him swallow his gum. Megan gave Danny some water to help stop coughing, when Clarkus told Danny they had to talk.

The following afternoon, Danny was taking Megan to see the newest Shrinkman movie, Shrinkman’s Biggest Adventure. Danny’s dad happens to work as the projectionist at the Baker Cineplex, but they still make Danny pay to see movies. Apparently the Shrinkman movies aren’t so popular, because who wants to see a superhero who shrinks down to a bug.

Excuse THEM, because I will not have people besmirching shrinking superheroes since they clearly are not familiar with Shrinking Violet, practically DC’s first openly queer superheroine

[Wing: I immediately love her.]

Oh, and I guess that atom guy, and the one who hangs out with bugs.

Well, Clarkus told Danny to stop using cruel nicknames, and no he couldn’t use a comic strip for his science project. If Danny’s grades don’t improve, he may lose his spot on the basketball team.

After Megan purchased the biggest popcorn bucket available and a big bag of Twizzlers, Danny noticed a small vending machine hidden in an alcove of the movie theater. Oh hey, it’s got Shrinkman Cola! Danny didn’t know they had Shrinkman Cola! [Wing: Yes, a hidden vending machine in a movie theater with concessions, makes total sense, no way this will go poorly for you, Danny. No possible consequences.]

And now he wishes he didn’t know about it because Shrinkman Cola tastes AWFUL. Danny can’t believe Duke Barnes would let the Shrinkman name be put on such subpar soda.

All throughout the movie and Megan’s bad jokes about the subject matter, Danny couldn’t get rid of the awful, bitter taste from that Shrinkman Cola. Everyone in the theater cheered at the end when Shrinkman shrank to the size of a watermelon seed and climbed up the gangster boss’s nose, all except Megan. [Wing: I mean, disgusting. Don’t blame her.]

Megan chided Danny for his interest in Shrinkman, calling it a waste of time and suggesting he could focus more on basketball. Than maybe the school’s team could win the city championship. Danny’s pretty annoyed by Megan’s obsession with winning; he can have interests that don’t intersect with one another and he’s allowed to like whatever he wants, MEGAN.

After the movie ended, Danny went to see his dad in the projection booth. While absentmindedly fiddling with the rewind spool on the projector, Danny accidentally knocked it off. As he tried to find the spool, Danny wandered straight into the projector’s light and felt a strange, dizzying sensation as the white light washed over him…

A few days later, Danny was at practice for the big game. Despite it being a warm, sunny day, he couldn’t help but shiver. And for some reason the ball felt heavier than usual, like it didn’t have enough air in it. Practice ended up not going so hot for the Dannster. His foul shots died before they even reached the basket. His friend and teammate Rommy tried to get everyone pumped by pretending to be their coach.

“Come on, Danny-Man! Slam it or jam it!”

Danny couldn’t help but notice, sitting far up in the bleachers, was that Megan? With binoculars? Surely that’s not suspicious.

By the end of practice, the guys on the team like to have a slam-dunk competition. Lucky for Danny. Because while he’s only in fifth grade and the rest of the team are sixth graders, he’s the tallest at 5’11 and growing.

But not for loooooooong…

Get it? Get it Wing? Long?

[Wing: Booooooooo. Also, good goddamn, kid, that’s tall. Ostrich was that tall at the same age, and he was a freaking giant.]

Danny lines up to do a foul jump shot. He jumps, jumps… and then he slams his hands on the backboard just underneath the basket. He didn’t even reach the rim. Even though his hands are still stinging, Danny tries again. His buddy Jake throws the ball at him and Danny leaps up, up, up and…

I see London, I see France, EVERYONE SEES DANNY’S UNDERPANTS!

When Danny jumped, his shorts slid off exposing his underwear for everyone to see. Maybe the elastic had worn out. Yeah. Sure. Unfortunately, everyone’s still laughing at Danny’s little risque move and he runs for home while holding his shorts up. Megan follows after him, asking if he’s got his Dad’s shorts on.

But seriously, Danny, you look kind of shorter than usual. Maybe you’re shrinking or something. Wouldn’t that be so funny Danny, if you were turning into Shrinkman? In a book called Adventures of Shrinkman? GEE I WONDER IF STINE’S IMPLYING SOMETHING ABOUT THAT MEGAN.

Danny wasn’t in the mood for Megan’s jokes, turned around, and promptly tripped on the front steps of his house. Did they seem higher than before?

That night Danny had trouble sleeping, so he tried to work on a new fan comic. Shrinkman Grows Up. After finishing an image of a mouse-sized Shrinkman fighting a crow, Danny started to feel sleepy. The next morning he woke up on the floor by his bed, which happens sometimes if he’s restless during the night.

What usually DOESN’T happen is Danny sliding out of his pajama bottoms. And when did his jeans get so baggy? For that matter, who raised his dresser mirror.

Danny figures Megan’s pulling a joke on him, and got his parents involved. [Wing: Yes, of course, this sounds totally believable.] Well he’s not gonna let Megan get to him when, speak of the devil, there she was in his kitchen. Having invited herself over for breakfast as she usually does. Megan can’t help but comment on Danny looking like he’s lost weight. Though Danny insists he’s fine. He refuses to give Megan the satisfaction of her joke screwing with his head.

Why does the orange juice carton feel so heavy today?

Unfortunately, Danny couldn’t pretend everything was okay once he got to school. Inside his classroom, Danny could see the desks were so much bigger than they should be. Bigger to HIM, at least. Danny had to use both hands to climb into his desk.

The other kids in the classroom noticed, and at first they thought it was some sort of joke. Then they realized it wasn’t a joke, and everyone promptly became horrified. Kids stared at Danny in shock, wondering what happened or if they were looking at Danny’s identical, younger brother.

(I want to interject for a moment how this reminded me a lot about Say Cheese And Die – Again from the original Goosebumps series. It’s objectively one of the absolute worst of the 62, to the point I really can’t see myself recapping it at all unless someone made a huge donation to Planned Parenthood or personally paid me in triple digits. No. I’m not kidding. In the latter half of the book, the evil camera takes a picture of Greg Banks which makes him appear morbidly obese. As Greg initially grows fatter, the kids in his school start to make fun of him. Until the next day, when he arrives in class so heavy that EVERY. SINGLE. KID. Immediately feels bad for him as they can all recognize something is genuinely wrong with Greg. It’s these weird moments where Stine is capable of giving his kid characters actual humanity after writing them so unpleasantly)

Danny hurried to the nurse’s office and asked to call his parents. If the nurse was shocked, imagine the horror Danny’s parents experienced when they saw how tiny their son became since they last saw him. Danny’s dad rushed to call their pediatrician, while Danny’s mom struggled not to cry. They had to help Danny up the steps to the house.

Inside Danny’s kitchen, his parents led him to the wall where they were keeping track of Danny’s height. Just to be safe, Danny’s dad got a tape measure.

…Danny went from 5’11 to three feet tall. At the rate Danny’s going, he’s scared he might shrink into nothingness in only a couple of days!

The Marins brought Danny to see Dr. Hayward, but the doctor was at a loss. He could only brush off Danny’s interest with Shrinkman and Danny’s shrinking as a bizarre coincidence. Dr. Hayward did a total examination. X-rays, blood work, brain scan, everything. Just to get a grasp on whatever the fuck’s happening to Danny’s body.

Too bad even if the tests are done as quickly and properly as possible, the Marins won’t get the results for a couple of days. Pray Danny lasts that long.

Surprise, surprise, who’s waiting at the Marin house but dear Megan, and look Danny she’s shrinking too!

PSYCH!

Well Danny and his parents make it clear they’re not in the mood for Megan or her bullshit and tell her to leave. You heard Danny’s mom Megan, beat it.

As soon as Danny entered his house, his dog Rocky was all over him. Only now, Rocky seemed so much bigger and heavier that he practically crushed Danny! Even though Danny knows the dog is only being affectionate, he’s hurting him and won’t get off!

Mr. Marin manages to get Rocky off Danny, figuring they’ll need to keep him outside for the time being. Megan tries to say something but Mrs. Marin shuts the door on her. She then asks Danny to stand by the kitchen wall again.

Danny lost two more inches since they left the house. Mrs. Marin has to turn away so Danny doesn’t see her crying. Think how Danny must feel.

No sooner does Danny go into his room that he shrinks AGAIN. By the time he’s hoisted himself up on two books on the chair in front of his desk, he looks down to see the floor is farther away than before! Danny has to scream for his parents to help him off the chair and is brought back to the kitchen. He’s now officially two feet tall.

Danny’s parents try reaching Dr. Hayward but they only get his office’s answering machine.

Thinking back, Danny’s stopped finding movies like Honey I Shrunk The Kids to be so funny. His parents try to figure out his sleeping arrangements, but he insists on sleeping in his own bed. Danny only asks his parents not to let him out of their sight, in case he shrinks more. Yet how much longer CAN they keep on an eye on Danny at the rate he’s shrinking? By now Danny’s as tall as his pillows when his parents promise to check in on him every few hours.

Sleep is practically impossible; Danny’s afraid he’ll shrink down to nothing overnight.

Thankfully, Danny doesn’t disappear completely. He has, however, shrunken down to the size of a parakeet, by his estimates. At some point he rolled out of bed during the night. I’m amazed the fall didn’t kill him. The dust balls on the bedroom floor look as big as cactuses to Danny.

Danny’s thoughts are interrupted by the sound and fury of footsteps lumbering into his bedroom. It’s Megan! She calls out wondering where Danny is, but she can’t hear him. Megan’s so tall compared to Danny he can’t even see her face from where he’s standing. Danny has to run for it when Megan starts walking toward him, only barely avoiding certain death underneath her sneakers.

Seeing the blanket strewn over his bed, Danny desperately climbs up a fold onto his mattress but Megan leaves the room before he can make it. He’s so small now his strength’s been diminished too. It’s like climbing a mountain with your bare hands. At the last second, right before she’s gone, Megan finally notices movement out of the corner of her eye and spots Danny.

Danny begs Megan to whisper; her voice is so loud at this size she almost deafens him. He describes how big her face is, her teeth as big as house shingles. Megan coos over how cute tiny Danny is, but he certainly doesn’t FEEL cute.

Don’t worry Danny, Megan’s got a surprise for you. A birdcage! From back when she had a canary. It’s just a safety precaution, to make sure nothing happens to you. You’ll be nice and safe.

Danny’s parents are horrified when they see how small he is inside the bird cage. Before they can further react they get a phone call from Dr. Hayward’s office. Hayward wants to see Danny’s parents, but they don’t tell Danny if it’s good or bad news. Mom figures it has to be good news, why else ask them to come in? [Wing: Um, woman, they don’t want to tell you bad news over the phone either.]

As the Marins prepare to leave for Dr. Hayward’s office, Megan decides to head for school. Today’s the science fair, and she assures Danny she’s definitely gonna win. Well that’s totally normal and not suspicious behavior.

After a quick breakfast of a strawberry slice and a thimble of orange juice, Danny’s eager to hear the supposed good news from Dr. Hayward. Unfortunately, his mom fails to notice how quickly she’s moving while carrying the birdcage. By the time they’re outside, she doesn’t see the cage door popping open… and Danny falling out!

Danny’s too tiny for his mom to hear him calling out, so the Marins drive off not realizing the birdcage is empty. He hopes they’ll turn around when they notice, but nope. Danny narrowly avoids getting run over as his parents back out of the driveway. The hot asphalt practically burns his skin as he’s left all alone on the driveway. Great. Now he’ll have to get to Dr. Hayward’s by himself.

If Rocky doesn’t eat him first!

The Irish setter goes after Danny, flinging him around in its jaws and playing with him. Danny recalls a time when he saw Rocky bring in a dead mouse and played around with it before devouring the little creature. So much for Man’s best friend, huh Wing? [Wing: Look like a toy, squeak like a toy, become a toy.] Danny’s dog dilemma intensifies when a stray dog appears and starts fighting Rocky. The new dog bites Danny’s ankle and starts playing tug-of-war with Rocky. Danny manages to get free of Rocky by grabbing the dog’s nose and pinching it.

Diving into a nearby flowerbed, Danny hides while the two dogs focus on each other. Soaked in dog drool and covered in bites, Danny’s makeshift clothes are all shredded up too. He’s roughly the size of a bird. How’s he gonna get to Dr. Hayward’s?

And how’s he gonna escape that grasshopper coming after him?!

[Wing: I love stories where someone shrinks and then has to survive the world like this. LOVE THEM.]

The green insect is roughly the same size as Danny when it comes after him. Danny’s smacked down by the grasshopper, which then pukes up some disgusting black gunk onto his chest. The two get into a makeshift wrestling match as Danny tries to get the big bug off him. Repeatedly the grasshopper tries to sink its mandibles into Danny’s skin to take a bite, but Danny fights it off.

In the scuffle, Danny rolls into a nearby hole in the ground. Inside the makeshift shaft, he finds himself surrounded by ants. Gee, nature’s not very kind today is it? The ants scurry all over Danny; one even tries to jam its head into Danny’s mouth. It tastes sour and metallic. Danny has to fight off the dog-sized ants as he climbs out of the hole.

Having had enough distractions, Danny’s determined to make it to the doctor’s office no matter how battered and sore he is by now. He only grows more exhausted trying to reach the curb near his house for the bus stop. His only method to get on board is to grab onto a nearby woman’s sneaker and pray she doesn’t notice. Danny’s almost crushed when she drops her bus token; to him it’s as big as a manhole cover!

Inside the bus, Danny hold’s onto the woman’s foot until she takes a seat. He grabs onto the nearby leg of the seat and holds on for dear life. It takes hours for him to finally reach the front door of the doctor’s office, and then he has to wait for someone to open the door so he can get inside. He doesn’t see his parents anywhere. Had they gone to look for him? Now his best bet for survival is to hope Dr. Hayward’s still in the building.

Trying to get the attention of Hayward’s assistant Carla, Danny climbs up an umbrella perched near the wall and hopes she’ll see him. Just as Danny’s about to fall off, Carla sees him and freaks out. Dr. Hayward hears Carla screaming and sees Danny. The doctor gently lifts Danny up in his hands, stating how badly his parents panicked when they realized he fell out of the cage.

Danny wants to talk about Hayward’s possible cure when the Marins return to the office. Serendipity at work, Wing! Danny’s parents are exhausted and beyond relieved that he’s here. They can’t apologize fast enough for losing him.

But no one’s more apologetic than Dr. Hayward, who sadly reveals there IS no cure. Despite all the tests, they couldn’t figure out what caused Danny’s shrinkage. He wanted to tell them in person. Gee, thanks for the consideration DOC. [Wing: Uh, that is considerate. They should not have assumed good news.]

Heading back to the car, Mrs. Marin is sobbing and Danny’s now as tall as a miniature candy bar. Oh great, he’s “fun size.” When Danny shuts his eyes to shield himself from the bright sunlight, he suddenly remembers the projector light from the movie theater and the strange feeling he had as it washed over him. What if THAT caused all this? Could it undo it?

Danny reminds his dad of what happened at the theater, and proposes the wild idea of being exposed to the projector light again. With no other options, the Marins decide it’s worth a try. And it just so happens the theater’s five o’clock show is Attack of the Fifty-Foot Woman.

The Marins drive to the theater and bring Danny up to the projectionist booth. They stick him in front of the white light and… nothing.

Danny’s last hope. Nothing.

Defeated, the Marins return home. Danny’s treated to a dinner of bread crumbs and small pieces of tuna. Among all the doctors Mr. Marin called during the afternoon, they found a specialist who wants to take a look at Danny. His parents leave to meet the doctor in person first, but Danny finds it hard to get hopeful.

That’s when he realizes someone else is in the house.

Megan!

Megan grabs Danny, sticks him in the birdcage, and leaves the house. She can’t afford to be late to the science fair, since Danny’s her project.

Oh.

Wow.

Gee.

I did not see that coming.

Megan reveals SHE caused Danny to shrink by tricking him into drinking a formula she got from her great-grandmother. Y’know, the one she said was a witch? She used Granny Hester’s recipe on Danny and now she’s gonna win the thousand dollars.

Wow Megan you are an absolute piece of shit. Danny’s left horrified and enraged that his so-called best friend did this to time. Put him through all this torture to win a stupid science fair.

Even more disturbingly, none of the judges at the science fair bother to question the ethics of Megan shrinking Danny against his will. [Wing: Bah, who needs ethics in science, not us.] They proclaim this to be revolutionary and hand her the thousand dollar check all while ignoring Danny’s distress. No one even asks where his parents are. Hell, no one even cares that Danny had to fight off a rat that managed to get inside the birdcage! Oh but don’t worry, Megan “saves his life.”

And promises Danny she’ll restore his size no problem. She wasn’t gonna just leave him that way. She’s all heart, that Megan.

In the school’s science lab, Megan presents Danny with a growth serum from Granny Hester’s book of recipes. Danny’s so relieved he momentarily forgets his hatred of Megan when she trips and the beaker spills into the sink!

Oh but don’t worry, there’s just enough left at the bottom for Danny to drink. It’s more than enough for his size. Danny quickly drinks the growing potion’s remnants and…

Nothing.

So, wait, does that mean Megan DIDN’T shrink Danny? It wasn’t her-THE SHRINKMAN COLA OKAY IT WAS THE NASTY ASS COLA DANNY DRANK AT THE MOVIE THEATER.

Like I’m sorry I like this book but we all saw that twist coming. Danny realizes it was either the cola itself or a combo of it plus Megan’s shrink potion that caused the change. Megan takes him back to the theater to find the Shrinkman vending machine. When told someone finally had the machine removed because everyone hated the Shrinkman Cola, Danny lucks out because the truck driver didn’t leave with it yet.

Megan buys a bottle from the driver and lets Danny drink some of the cola. It still tastes nasty, but it works! Danny starts to grow!

Hurray, he’s no longer [INSERT TITLE HERE].

Danny’s parents are thrilled he’s back to his normal size. Everyone’s so happy no one even thinks of having Megan thrown in jail or slapped with a lawsuit for shrinking Danny against his will. Danny’s just relieved to go back to school, especially with the big basketball game coming up.

And speaking of big, Danny starts to get that funny feeling again. Watch out because he’s getting bigger, and bigger! His head reaches up to the gym ceiling! He’s nine feet tall!

Awright! Now Danny can really play some b-ball! [Wing: *head desk*]

Final Thoughts

Putting this off for so long worked out better than I thought, since it gave GC enough time to discover Stine’s attempt to release this as a Nightmare Room book as well! He must’ve really wanted to get this book out there, huh?

Megan is perhaps one of the worst supporting characters from these books. “Worst” in the sense that she’s an outright horrid person who used Danny against his will, but is pretty entertaining as a villain in how blasé she is in her manipulations. I’ll bet she didn’t even bother to share some of that thousand bucks with him. [Wing: She’s awful. I love her.]

All in all, let’s take a moment to appreciate this book’s bizarre history. It’s a Goosebumps book, and a Nightmare Room book, and its own story. The one other piece of fiction I feel we can compare this to is Stephen King’s The Revelations of ‘Becka Paulson in how many times it’s been refitted. First as its own story before King incorporated it into The Tommyknockers, then as its own thing as an Outer Limits episode.